Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
