I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
