Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize