Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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