Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
