I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
