It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
