I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
