Need sex. Gaining weight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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