Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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