if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Come on in and take your pants off
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