No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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