There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
