When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
