I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
