I just saw a hot homeless man
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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