I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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