Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
