seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize