what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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