Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
