hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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