My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
