I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
