I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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