If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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