someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
