Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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