I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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