Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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