I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
