I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
