Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
