it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
