My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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