I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
