he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my shit smells like andre
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
