I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
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How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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