this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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