Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
