I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
