woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
