I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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