either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
