Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
