her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
