girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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