We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize