Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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