Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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