I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
