why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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