Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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