He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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