I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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