it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
