it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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