It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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