Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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