R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
