I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
