Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
