Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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