they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
