i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
