Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize