Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
