I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
