I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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