hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
