I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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