2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
