I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
