How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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