can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
