i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I understand Curling. That high.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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