i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
